Only You
by MedliSage
Summary: What a lonely Christmas it was shaping up to be.


Joshua stared up at the ceiling. Even for WildKat, it was quiet and cold. Much too quiet. He felt on edge. Even through his window it was oddly, almost eerily silent - after all, it was Christmas. The hustle and bustle of Shibuya was nowhere near its usual level. Most were indoors on this particularly frigid day, with their loved ones.

Except him, of course. As per usual, he had just himself.

Earlier that morning he had exchanged small gifts with Mr. H. And then Mr. H had been off for the Higher Plane - Producer business regarding the next Game. Naturally, Joshua had finished all of his business regarding the next Game much in advance.

So here he was, laying on his bed in WildKat and staring at the ceiling in the unsettling quietude.

What a lonely Christmas it was.

He turned over, eyes falling onto his desk. His gaze met with the open box sitting there - and Joshua sighed, a dull pain surfacing in his chest again, and shifted his view back to the ceiling.

Absently, he slid a hand into his pocket and took out his phone, flipping it open. Of course his contacts had been unchanged for the past six months or so now, and the same two names as ever were there: Sanae Hanekoma, and Neku Sakuraba.

Neku Sakuraba. Joshua's head turned over to the box on his desk again. He sighed and moved his eyes back to his phone.

Of course, there had been no contact between the two of them. Joshua had opened the phone to Neku's number several times in the past, and each time had closed it again without doing anything.

Because why would Neku want anything more to do with him?

Or so he asked himself. Perhaps it was more that even if Neku for whatever reason _did_ want to see him again, whenever Joshua thought about the possibility it felt as though a lead weight was sinking into his body - like he absolutely could _not,_ like it would be so _wrong_ if he did after all he had done those months ago -

He felt a little sick.

* * *

Neku sighed with relief as he stepped through the door and into the warm - well, comparatively to the outside - apartment. He was glad he had met up with Shiki, Beat and Rhyme and exchanged gifts, but all the same his body did feel rather numb.

After quickly undoing his jacket, he made his way to his room, not bothering to take his sneakers off, because he wouldn't need to. No, he was definitely doing this.

He set down his presents from his friends onto his bed, before walking over to his desk and retrieving a box, rather poorly wrapped in blue paper. He sighed with a small smile, remembering how much Shiki had made fun of his gift wrapping skills.

Regardless, he held onto the box tightly, and as soon as he had come back to the apartment, he had left again.

* * *

Joshua sighed and sat up. The almost silent room was too much.

That was all it was. He just needed to get out.

That was the only reason he walked over to his desk, carefully placed the wrapped cover over the box, and held onto it tight as he shifted his tune with a practiced concentration so as to teleport.

Neku's room, naturally, was just as quiet. Predictably, Neku was absent - this was the time he usual met up with his friends, after all.

Joshua's eyes quickly were drawn to the bed, with several gifts laid on it. Had Neku already met up with his friends and come back? Then where was he now? The apartment was completely silent. Perhaps he had gone somewhere else with them.

Discarding the thought, Joshua walked over to Neku's desk, and for a moment, simply stood there. There was still time to reconsider this. There was still time to leave without doing anything at all.

This could simply make Neku hate him more. Of course Joshua knew that Neku had been waiting for him at Hachiko; but to what end? The sinking possibility that it was to say "I hate you" straight to his face was always in the back of Joshua's mind, and what would leaving this here though? Intensify that feeling, more or less likely. It would simply be for naught. It would only hurt more when - if ever - Joshua ever spoke to him again only to hear how much Neku hated him.

And yet there was also the sinking feeling, that Joshua had only just begun to think about, that perhaps Neku thought Joshua hated _him._ There was the possibility Neku had jumped to that conclusion after Joshua still, after all these months, refused to meet with him. And for whatever reason the thought of that made Joshua's chest feel heavier than anything else, and it felt like almost a compulsion to assure Neku that that wasn't true -

He placed the box on the desk. He placed it, and quickly whisked himself back to WildKat.

* * *

For the second time today, Neku came back into the apartment with a sigh of relief. This time, though, he undid his jacket and hung it on the back of the door, and slipped out of his sneakers. Definitely the last time he was going out today.

He walked back to his room, mind reeling. There was no point in thinking about it. What was done was done - he had left it there and there was no changing it now. It wasn't like it could make things worse, surely. He hoped. Perhaps it would hurt him. Perhaps he never had the intention of meeting with Neku again. Maybe Neku was only making things harder. More painful. He bit his lip.

After stepping into his room, he froze - on his desk there sat a box, oddly similar in size to the one he had just delivered, though this one was wrapped in light lavender, almost faint pink paper, and much more neatly so. Neku walked over to it, picked it up, and turned it over once. There was no label or card.

Deep down, he knew. The color, the lack of any name, even the wrapping job done just so. But he told himself it was a mystery as he took the lid off.

Inside was a small assortment of things, all protectively sitting in white tissue paper. A few pins for Tin Pin that he hadn't even told anyone he wanted - only eyed with interest in stores. Some fancy chalk pastels, the ones he liked so much, and some nice drawing pencils to go with them, along with a small, fine quality sketchpad. Neku never told anyone that he drew.

It was a sweet package of things that only one person could have possibly known and picked out for him. But even still Neku could tell himself it was all a coincidence, because it just couldn't be.

And then he saw the pure white feather in the corner of the box.

* * *

Joshua's senses went on hyper alert as soon as he glanced around his room - his door was cracked. He had most definitely left it shut.

Almost silently, he opened the door a bit further and poked his head out - of course, the café was as empty as it had been when he left. Joshua sighed and shut the door.

His eyes instantly focused on the box on his desk. Perhaps Mr. H had stopped by and left him something else.

Joshua walked over to it - no, this looked as if… this looked as if a five-year-old had done the wrapping job. It couldn't be from Mr. H. Yet it was completely unmarked. Joshua cautiously undid the paper and opened the box.

Inside was - Joshua nearly smiled - a DVD. A DVD of the latest Slammurai movie. But Joshua was fairly certain he hadn't told anyone that -

His thoughts derailed as he noticed something else in the box - a small, folded piece of paper. Joshua picked it up and opened it, and read the rather messy handwriting.

_Merry Christmas, Josh. I'm still waiting. I'll always be waiting. For whenever you're ready. Until then, hold onto these for me._

Joshua felt his heart pounding, but curiosity pushed him onward as he took out the tissue paper from the box. And there, beneath it all, lay a pair of purple and black headphones.

Joshua stared at the items for what felt like maybe an eternity. Oddly, his body felt light. Though his heart continued to pound, he didn't feel the same sense of unease, of worry. A different kind of nervousness started to run through his body now, but it wasn't enough to stop him from taking his phone out of his pocket.

Just maybe it wouldn't be such a lonely Christmas.

* * *

a/n; idk i wanted to do a christmas fic so here it is it just got worse as it went on but here it is anyway


End file.
